sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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