he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
