I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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