Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
No subtext here. People are naked.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
