It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
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