New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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