took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
