Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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