so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
