Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
