I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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