Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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