So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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