He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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