im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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