The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
