i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
