you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Oh god it's open bar.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize