Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
