Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
