I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
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