Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
