You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
