Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
