He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
