I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
