You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
i just made my gag reflex go away.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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