he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize