Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
