Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
