I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
sarcasm needs its own font
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize