stop calling my apartment porn island.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
