Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
