The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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