lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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