I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Last time i carry you out of a forest
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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