can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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