I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
