My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
