Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
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I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
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Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
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