there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
