i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
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so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
God I need to hump something, right now.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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