my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
