I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
they're like a gay fantastic four
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
