My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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