I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Randomize
