i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
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