Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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