Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
