dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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