I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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