what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
