Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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