I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
