so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Randomize
