i wish starbucks made bloody marys
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Liz is crying about burritos again.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
