hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
