I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I'm bleeding and have questions
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
