The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Never underestimate the power of titties
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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