Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
