I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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