Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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