i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
