my mouth tastes like poor choices
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
