This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
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I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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